They give me fever…

So, the sales have started. I usually avoid the sales like a 10 year school reunion, but in the name of friendship I made the mistake of hitting Oxford Street yesterday, and believe me – you don’t want anything that much. Now, sales I can’t stand – sample sales on the other hand I can’t resist. Designer clothes at high-street-ish prices – count me and my check book in! Sadly they don’t love me back, so I’ve developed 5 rules by which to buy by…I hope they help you as much as one day I hope they’ll help me too….


1. Never invite someone the same size as you. It’ll only end in tears. This is the perfect opportunity to wheel out your fat friend – not only will you not fight over the same pieces, but you can use her as a buffer against all those sharpened elbows – perfect!

2. Get there early. True aficionado’s get there days before (well, hours and hours at least). Fashionista’s have been known to arrive at Claridges for the much prized Chanel sample sale (invitation only FYI) grasping their skinny caps at dawn.

3. Never make friends in the queue/ at the rails. You’re about to enter into battle with these women – stay focused, everyone’s a potential enemy.

4. Never take a straight man along – they can’t handle it. Fact.

5. Don’t buy anything you wouldn’t pay full price for, or which you’re seeing for the first time. Not convinced? Think you know better? Well, for your sake here’s a list of pointless, unfit for purpose and quite frankly ridiculous things I’ve brought at sample sales this year….5 pairs of Louboutin shoes (was very nearly double that, so thank you Stephi for your wise words, “babes, if they’re too big/small/high, then you probably won’t wear them will you…”); one pen-marked Liberty of London bag (I did get an extra £20 off, but it’s not the point really is it); a Maison Martin Margiela cardigan. It’s black mesh and has no back. It’s pointless, impossible to wear, and still cost triple digits; a grey patent Chloé Heloise bag. It’s the heaviest bag in the world. I can hardly lift it when it’s empty, so by the time I’ve laden it with my daily essentials I need a crane to move it; a pair of brown Jonathan Kelsey shoes. They’re brown…when do I ever wear brown? I’ll tell you – never!

Now, maths isn’t my strong point, but for the purpose of this cautionary tale I’ve made a few calculations, and estimate that this little lot cost me about….well actually I can’t even bare to type it (not least because my parents are probably reading this). Let’s just say thinking about it in the cold light of day I may have preferred two weeks in the Maldives after all….

When scrooge met Oliver….

Yes – this is me drunkenly gnawing on a shoe. It’s none other than ToSho’s latest lust-have accessory. This particular one belongs to my dear friend Katharine (seen beautifully modelling them below), and yes, she was delighted to see me salivating over it. Sadly when I went to get a pair a couple of days ago I was told they’ve sold out, which seems a bit scrooge to me, and totally buggered up my NYE wardrobe! Now, altogether in your best Supermodel baby voice, “Please Sir Philip, may we have some more”.

p.s. Happy New Year boys and girls xxx

“Is there anything Chanel can’t make fabulous?” (My good friend) Kim Ralph

…No my dear Kimmy, there really isn’t! Earmuffs are like sooooo two weeks ago. Right now it’s all about the sleeping mask, I mean it’s Christmas after all, I’m only gonna be eating and sleeping anyway (and sadly they don’t do cutlery or chocolate covered brazil nuts). This is obviously without a shadow of a doubt my absolute fave Christmas pressie this year, so thank you a million trillion Mr Stefan Claus! I just wish I could wear it out of the bedroom…I did trial it as a headband, but eventually had to admit I looked ridiculous…well it was more of a family ruling really – I kinda thought I was rocking it on the sofa. Anyway, confined to the bedroom it is - Silent nights indeed.

Wanna be in my gang…

I really do have the best dressed friends, most stylish and elegant friends. I’ve known this lot since secondary school, and as we’ve grown up we’ve all developed and settled into our own styles. Last night everyone was looking particularly gorgeous for Norma’s birthday, so I thought I’d snap a few pics and show them off!

The Birthday girl showed off her enviable curves (Beyonce who?) in a Greek goddess draped body-con dress from ASOS. As a girl there’s nothing better than getting dressed up in your Birthday outfit – it’s the one time of the year when you can really go for it, and basically anything’s acceptable! Norma kept it simple and (relatively) demure though, and I think she looked stunning!

I was very happy to have a playsuit buddy last night. I thought Adz worked this polka dot ToSho number very well (although with a figure like hers it’s not hard)! It could easily have looked a bit slutty, but as usual Ada managed to look classy. Maybe it’s just because I know she’s training as a lawyer, but Adz always has this air of sophistication no matter how much flesh is being flashed!

Louise should just be a model, end of. I mean look at her. She looks regal in her £3 EBay stirrup leggings – I mean who can pull off white leggings?! The sheer panelled body picks up on the big sheer trend heading our way, and is something I’ve been meaning to invest in for a while (jealous, moi, never!). Most of all though we were all loving the head scarf. Lou just threw it on to protect her hair from the snow, but after a million compliments decided to roll with it! I thought it gave her an air of ‘50’s elegance, and was all very Audrey Hepburn in an open top car!

Finally there was me - new red hair, peach lace body (one of my top 5 fave items in my wardrobe right now), my ‘never fails’ ToSho jumpsuit, and 1980’s belt I nicked off my mum…Ready to play! Annoyingly I have to admit the competition for look of the night was pretty hot….now remind me why I’m friends with this lot again?!

Double sequins and a WAGS day out…

I got in the Christmas spirit on Thursday by indulging in a bit of double sequins. Yes, yes, I know I said sequins were dead to me a couple of weeks ago, but in the words of Bobby Brown and Britney (and who wouldn’t live by their oh-so-wise words) It’s My Prerogative! Anyway, if you read my sequin post carefully you’ll see that what I’m really saying is that what is needed is a new way to wear them (yeah yeah, back track, back track), and this I tell you is it! Ever since Sophie from Fashion rocked double sequins (FYI black harem pants and blazer) at the office Christmas party I’ve been slightly pre-occupied with how I’d jump on the bandwagon. It’s just pure brilliance, and totally subversive – I mean, it really shouldn’t work. As usual I took it a step further and also mixed colours and patterns; the reason it works though is down to accompaniments – the washed out denim shirt and trusty biker boots tone the whole look down, and add that bit of edge. Basically they say “I know I’m decked out like a friggin Christmas tree, but I don’t give a fuck”. Ace!

A night of seasonal heavy drinking was followed by a leisurely day of WAGging (i.e. self-indulgent vanity based activities – in my case a cut and colour followed by a spray tan). As usual I tried to dress for the occasion – and you can see me above braving the cold to pose in the snow post-pampering. I tried to keep it trad-WAG in American Apparel harem pants, customised rock-T, and Uggs – Wagalicious indeed! Hair wise I’ve somehow ended up going a bit ginge – how very 2009 of me! I have to say I never saw it coming and am still a bit shocked and confused by my new minority status. I was very lucky to be worked on by the lovely and very talented Indira Schauwecker (who did the chopping), and Lynsey Ashton (who did the ginge-ing) – both members of Toni&Guy’s innovative and totally fantastic Artistic team. With my newly coloured and tousled mane I then trotted off to see The Cap-Tan (as I like to call him) James Reed for a spot of winter tanning. La Reed bronzes the buttocks of everyone from Paris to Gaga to Hollywood A-listers, so I’m always flattered and honoured when he finds time to give me the quick once over. Sadly he’s far too tight-lipped and professional to spill the beans on his more illustrious clients, but boy, what sights those eyes must have seen! Annoyingly he’s also one of those people who gets more fabulous and successful every time I see him. Not only has he recently taken up residence at the rather swanky Sanderson (embarrassingly I had some sort of mental block and waltzed into the St. Martin’s lane hotel demanding to see him – the shame!), but he’s also just launched his genius website – thetantalist.com – where The Satorialist meets St. Tropez – what fun!

After all this primping and preening I woke up this morning I felt like a new girl. I find there’s nothing like an image over-haul to bring out my social side – let the party season begin!

xx From Roma with LoVe xx

Boys and girls, apologies for going AWOL, but the recent cold snap proved a snap too far for, and I’ve been hibernating under my dressing gown in front of my new Ally McBeal boxset for the best part of a week! Before that I treated myself to a pre-Christmas trip to Rome with my good friend Kim. It was my first time in the holy city, and it didn’t disappoint one bit – in fact, there are no words, so I’ve decided to share with you my Rome in pictures. In between full-fat Cap’s and 12 Euro Ice creams I managed to snap the best and worst dressed, most beautiful sights (old and new)…and oddest trends – I hope you enjoy!
Ciao ciao fa now beautiful people xx

….now where’s that 3rd series disk at…..?

I snapped this lovely lady outside the Vatican, and I just think she's the ultimate in Continental Chic. From the top of her Moncler coat (an item always hovering near the top of my lust-ooh-meter); to the bottom of her perfect, patent boots, this is a master-class in style, and everything I aspire too. The Satorialist – watch your back!

And just behind her was this. There are no words….except – wearing all one colour does not a stylish outfit make!*
*unless that colour’s black. End of.

Despite taking over 100 photos’ this is the only one where I don’t look like an anaemic Christmas pudding. I would like to say I was wishing for world peace, but I think we all know that look on my expression has ‘I want Chanel earmuffs’ written all over it.

Forget Bond Street, that Via Borgognona is THE ULTIMATE (very wealthy) shopaholics dream. If like me, you’re broke as a chair with 3 legs then you can simply gave longingly at the beautiful window displays. Louis Vuitton (above) won 1st prize for best window display – I LoVe. And Fendi (below) win for best festive effort. Good work chaps!

So – strange trends. Sadly I only managed to snap two examples, but it seems the Italians have taken to pimping their dogs. There was hardly a pooch in Rome not dolled up to the nines and working the streets like a dogwalk. Above we have a Paris Hilton-alike (a bit passé if you ask me), while below we have a real biker rock-chick trendsetter….Grrrrr.

No no, no no no no, no no no no, no no there’s no EX-CUSE….

Yes, you heard me (PLEASE tell me you got the Too Unlimited ref)! There is absolutely no excuse on earth for a grown woman to be wearing these made-for-a-three-year-old Start-rite-special easy-slip-on Velcro-fastened safety-strapped Rudolph-red shoes. It was bad enough that I was on post-gym bus journey from hell (apparently there was only one 38 bus working the route tonight), but these monstrosities really topped it off. No no no no no – unless you’re Grayson Perry (and that’s a whole other kettle of fish) what do you think you’re doing wearing these post puberty?! Urgh! This is like the antithesis of the ‘Should Suri (Cruise) aged 3 be wearing heels (answer obviously no) debate’. There is appropriate footwear for every age, and neither these nor Suri’s are it. Come on people, it’s not that hard!

DEEP BREATH – In with hate, out with love (Stefan Lindemann)….…....…..there’s still no excuse though!

If it’s good enough for The Hoff…

Yes ladies and gents, I too am big in the land of Lederhosen and motorways with no speed limit, as on Thursday I was the top story on Modepilot – Germany’s top Fashion blog. Now my German’s not brilliant (B at GCSE, really should have been an A, but I digress….), but I do know that the lovely Kathrin Bierling has said that I’m her New Favourite Blog! It’s all thanks to the massively talented and utterly fabulous Stefan Lindemann – Fashion Editor of German InStyle, and ex-Shopping Editor (a title I’d like die for) at Grazia (UK). Stefan was my first ever Fashion mentor, and taught me everything I know about Chanel and Dim Sum (i.e. Chanel has to be earned, and it’s almost impossible to eat Dim Sum if you keep Kosher). So, in honour of Stefan, Kathrin, and my legions of German fans here’s my top 5 German Fashion/ Style icons….

5. Hugo Boss - So, their involvement in the manufacture of Black uniforms for the Third Reich isn’t exactly ideal, but who hasn’t at some point (most probably in their teens, and as part of a Boots gift set) owned a Hugo Boss fragrance? On that basis alone I feel the mega-brand deserves 5th place in my German hall of fame.

4. Jil Sander – It’s not something that comes particularly naturally to me (ok – so I find it almost impossible –blame it on the big boobs), but Jil Sander is undoubtedly the Queen of Minimalism. If what you’re looking for is a brilliantly cut piece with like no bling and shit, then Jil’s ya lady.

3. When it comes to style icons very few people would argue that Marlene Dietrich is up there. Way way ahead of the game Marlene was doing the whole androgynous thing before anyone knew what it was, and famously said, "I dress for myself. Not for the image, not for the public, not for the fashion, not for men” – my kinda lady!

2. Diane Kruger – I mean, does she ever look bad?! I just have such a monumental style crush on her it’s not even funny. Kruger has a body to die for (she’s an ex-model, so fairs fair), and a wardrobe I’d kill for. In my eyes she always manages to walk the fine line between on-trend and fashion slave, and it always looks so god darn effortless. God – if I didn’t love her so much I’d hate her!

1. Storming in at 1st place is the one and only Karl Lagerfeld - in my opinion the best thing to come out of Germany since the Black Forest Gateau (and I can tell you that takes some beating). Captain of the good ship Chanel isn’t something that’s just given away, and I think if the fashion world is united in one thing (other than it’s love of stick-thin models and fur) then it’s that Lagerfeld is worthy of the crown. I’d always been a fan, but it was only after I saw that documentary film Lagerfeld Confidential (if you haven’t seen it yet – go do so) that the obsession began and I really came to realise and admire his genius. Even If Germany never again produces a Fashion designer the German fashion fraternity can forever rest smug in the knowledge that they gave the world Karl.

How I found the perfect gloves to give people the finger in…

My boots obsession has been replaced with a new found glove fetish. It all began when I lost my mittens (God – never thought I’d be saying that post-primary school). To be honest, they weren’t really working out anyway. I was finding the whole uni-hand thing quite restrictive, and was getting frustrated as I couldn’t partake in my two favourite past-times – smoking and giving people the finger. So, although their loss was a bit of a pain I wasn’t heartbroken.

The mission then began to find some new hand wear more suited to my needs. With mittens out I narrowed my options down to the following;
a. Normal gloves
b. Fingerless gloves

When I say narrowed what I actually mean is defined, because I brought a pair of each. In typical Sisi G style they couldn’t be more different (and not just because of the finger thing either).

Pair a. (the normal ones), aren’t really that normal at all. I found them sulking on a corner rail in H&M, and I instantly knew (as you can do when something’s only £7.99) that they were going home with me. I’m absolutely feeling velvet right now. It’s just perfect for winter/ Christmas, and I love the fact that it’s so ‘90’s, and Shakespeare’s Sister/ Four Weddings (aka The Best British Comic Film Ever Made). The embellishment is obviously a joy - I think it’s lovely to have a little bit of bling on your gloves. Plain leather gloves feel so corporate and dull all of a sudden, so I was overjoyed to find a high-street glove that offered that little bit more.

Glove a. and I were getting on swimmingly until I saw pair b. I was on my way back from a particularly fulfilling morning of Finance training (yes – this is exactly what I got into magazines for), when I saw them hanging from a stall by Camden tube; they looked so brash and naughty I just had to take a closer look. Forget ‘Fierce’ these bad boys are Weapons of Mass Destruction. They’re SO sex – they’re like if ‘80’s Madonna, (my darling) MJ, a cheese grater and a gay S&M freak had an orgy, these would be the result. They're like power gloves - you can't help but feel in control when you're wearing them - I mean, who's gonna mess with spike hands, eh?!
I approached with caution (both the gloves and the stall holder), and did my best nonchalant bartering….
Me: “Um. How much are the gloves?”
Stall holder: “£15”
Me: “Is that your best price?”
Stall holder: “Yes”
Me: (Unconvincing contemplation whilst salivating and making love to them with my eyes) “Hhmmmm, I’m not sure….”
Stall holder: “Ok – I give you for £14”
Me: “Perfect!”
The deed was done, and I became the proud owner of two new pairs of gloves in two weeks – Fash-tastic!

All I want for Christmas…

Ok - I know it's a bit early, but if I only got these scrumdidlyumptious Chanel earmuffs I swear I'd be happy till my birthday (in Feb, he he). They have come storming straight to the top of my lust-ooh-meter for two reasons.

1. I’m rather sensitive and hate it when the cold gets in my ears
2. They’re Chanel

To quote Ms M Poppins, “They’re practically perfect in every way” (the one catch obviously being the price tag, darnit)!

Still – I give them a 10/10

Sequins – A cautionary tale

I just popped into Primark (yes I shop there, no I’m not ashamed), and I have to say I’m rather upset. The problem was there were sequins everywhere – on t-shirts and skirts, blazers and berets– even harem pants. Now it’s not really Primarks fault at all – I’ve brought a number of sequined treats from there myself. It’s the popularisation and democratisation of sequins in general that’s got me in such a state – Primark just confirmed my worst suspicion – they’ve become pedestrian!

You see anyone who knows me knows that I love a sequin – I’m a renowned Magpie, and always have been. I’m also known for my daring (and admittedly sometimes questionable) fashion choices. I hunt out the interesting and unusual – the gaudy knitted jumper; the painfully 80’s jacket; and until recently the drowning-in-sequins pieces. Now however any Tamara, Deidre or Hannah thinks she can rock a sequin, and thus, they’ve lost their power. Gone are the days when sequins marked you out as a fashion maverick – now you just look like a fashion victim (to coin a much over-used phrase) – and I’m pissed! More than pissed – I’m furious.

Prime example: This weekend I have a good friend’s birthday party, and we’ve been told we all have to wear sequins. Well I for one resent it. This time last year everyone would have been happy in a nice cotton-mix dress. I would have shown up in my glitter, everyone would have oohed, aahed, and marvelled at my sartorial bravery, and the world would have continued turning. Now however all the plain Janes and boring Brendas will be sequined-up, and the only way for me to stand out is to drop 2 dress sizes in 2 days and turn up in nipple tassels and a sequined thong (and yes, I’m seriously considering this option). When I brought my Ashish for Topshop sequined hoodie last year it was the talk of the town. No one (not least the lovely fashion assistant who leant me her Tosho discount to make it halfway affordable) could believe I’d made such an outrageous and outlandish purchase, I got a million you’ll never wear it’s, and it’s so you’s. For me it wasn’t even a question though – it was total love at first sight. It’s all in the details you see – the generously sized sequins; the way they’re only sewn at one corner so there’s movement, and most importantly the sequined hood – utter bliss! Now though Primark do their own version, so your local pram-faced teen tearaway will be wearing one to sit on the wall outside the offie on a Saturday night – fab!

The worst thing is that I know there’s no turning back. The sequin has sold out. They’ve traded their cool cult status for the money, the hunnies, and a Christmas number 1. Well, I just hope they’re happy with their choice. I for one am off in search of a new lover to fulfil my magpie needs –because for me at least sequins have lost their sparkle.

McQ, Minx, and the most fashionable nails ever!

And here they are - fab aren't they! I got them done today at the McQ press day and am utterly besotted. I’ve been desperate to get my nails ‘minxed’ for a couple of months now, and it was well worth the wait. Minx is the new nail craze from where else but the US of A. Basically instead of painting your nails with varnish they just apply a heated strip of film and then shape it round your nail. Not only is it super-quick and easy to do, but there’s none of that pesky waiting around for your nails to dry, they last just as long as nail varnish, and most importantly, because it’s a film you can get loads of crazy patterns and metallics, which as you know is right up my street! Sadly the McQ were specially made for the press day (how super-glam fashwan is that!) so i’m just gonna have to enjoy them while they last. I’m 100% definitely getting multi-coloured neon leopard print next time though!

Talking of leopard print I totally fell in love with this fantastic McQ denim leopard print (noticing a theme?!) biker-esque jacket at the press day. It’s properly high-end trash-tastic (the best type of trash fyi – Lanvin neon leopard print = case in point), and apparently everyone was going mad for it (although that could have just been the pr trying to be nice)! Either way I don’t care because I think it’s perfect – this picture doesn’t even do it justice (it would look much better on me than this ‘interesting’ looking model)! It’s shot straight to the top of my lust-ooh-meter this week - I’m thinking it’s scoring about a 7.5 – mmm mmm mmm indeed!

Pure Grooving

This is me doing my very best concave model posing at a friends 30th at Pure Grooves last night. I wore my new fave outfit of black leggings, black baggy wife-beater, Miss Selfridge statement-shoulder jacket, and lots of black eyeliner. I used to wear all black a lot, but then got pestered out of it by friends at uni, and have tried to stay away from it for the past few years. I’ve recently re-discovered it though, and have to say I’ve fallen hard. There’s something really powerful about wearing all black – it’s like armour, not to mention chic and slimming, and the more I do it the more I love it. I also love the freedom it gives me to play around with accessories. Last night I wore my new parrot earrings which I made by hooking little wooden parrots (which I acquired at a lecture I went to about Guatemala earlier in the week – don’t ask!) and hooked onto a pair of gold plastic studs – good times!


There were loads of girls in cute outfits, but these Agent Provocateur snake hold up’s definitely stole the show. I asked if I could snap a picture for the blog and she (didn’t get a name – what can I say, blame it on the gin) was seriously up for it adding ‘the whole point of wearing tights like this is for attention’ – well that was me told!

Stationery nirvana - my Smythson dream

Before you start reading I just want to let you know that there’s no real story to be told, no moral, no funny anecdote – it’s simply me boasting.

Today I managed to escape the office to pop into the Smythson press day and meet at long long last the lovely Bianca (one of the pr girls) who I’ve been speaking to for over two years now but never met, and…..I got my very first ever Smythson diary!! For those who don’t know what I’m talking about – duh! No, but seriously, I’m not so deep into fashion la-la land that I think everyone knows who Smythson are. You see in fashion circles they are the first and last word in stationery. No fashion editor would be seen dead on the FROW without their Smythson fashion diary, and their personalised thank-you notes really are the only polite way to thank pr’s for their generous gifts. Established in 1887 and with Sam Cam as Creative Director their products are beautifully made and quintessentially British, and I’ve been desperate to get my hands on something ever since entering the world of magazines a couple of years ago! So, today a dream was fulfilled as I was gifted a beautiful Panama pocket diary! It may not be the Fashion diary I was hoping for (and starting at £125 I may be waiting a while, and anyway I really want the one with the special Smythson clasp which is £195, so the cheaper one’s actually totally irrelevant), but when I carefully untied the navy ribbon and peaked into the box (ok – I ripped into it like a crazed toddler high on a whole pack of Harribo whilst stomping up New Bond street) my heart fluttered as I saw what it was. It’s safe to say I’m in love, and I fear it’s gonna be an expensive affair!

These boots were made for walking....just not on my feet

I don’t know what’s with me at the moment, but I only have eyes for boots right now, and though I do love my new Aldo’s I just can’t stop yearning for more; flat, platform, open toe, mesh – every I turn there are more boots begging me to buy them! Top of my lust-o-meter (my list of things which I love, but can’t afford or wear), scoring a stonking 9.5 are these beauties by Christopher Kane for Versus – aka. The boots which won’t love me back. Not only are they totally out of my price range at £900 (ouch!), but there’s also a waiting list (not that this really matters to me because of my first point, but thought it was worth mentioning)! The problem is I can’t move past them, and every time I go out to look for something to see me through the winter (and replace my rather battered and smelly Gap biker boots from last year which are currently soldiering on with the help of some Odour-Eaters – tres chic!), all I can think about is the perfect biker/ Chelsea combo, the soft soft shiny leather, and obviously that big old glistening rock! Nothing else even comes close. It’s like when you first fall in love all and can’t imagine ever feeling that way about anyone else again, ever. Sadly though my love costs a month and a half’s rent – rent which I can only just afford as it is. I’ve even tried justifying it at cost per wear. At £900, if I wear them every day from today all the way through to April (which let’s be honest is beyond unlikely), then they’ll still cost me £6 per wear, which isn’t really a bargain now is it?! So, it is with deep regret that I admit that this love is to remain unrequited. All I can hope now is that Toppers or ASOS feel the same as I do and create a boot ‘inspired’ by them in the next couple of weeks….I live in hope.

The Dalston doorstop

Wow, what a morning, it may be Saturday, but there’s no rest for the wicked…or the lazy for that matter! I did the Nike+/ Grazia 10k Human Race (or 5k in my case…well I showed willing!) this morning at the horribly uncivilised hour of 10.20am. Anyway, returned home to find my fabulous housemate Holly using her Nike hi-tops as a doorstop – LOVE IT! They’re actually men’s, and she rocks them with her skinny or boyfriend cut jeans. It’s all about the Swoosh today!

p.s. get ya own Nike Dalston doorstop at ASOS – or if you have a slightly larger budget check out these babies by UES.

Great film, shame about the premiere!

I went to the premiere of An Education last night. The film as it happens was really thoroughly enjoyable; it had a great pace, was well acted, funny and touching. Carey Mulligan was captivating as the lead Jenny, and reminded me of a young Katie Holmes – all dimples, eager eyes and naivety. The costumes were fantastic – and made me long for the demure glamour of the 1960’s, when sexy was a well fitting A-line dress and a kitten heel. The premiere itself however was absolutely ghastly. All in all I was stood around for over an hour. This time was divided between standing in Leicester Square (a place I try not even to pass through – let alone loiter in) waiting to be let onto the red carpet by a deep-fried doughnut of a bouncer, and standing in the lobby of the Vue (yuck yuck yuck) waiting for screen 7 to be ready! Why anyone chooses to have their premiere in that hell hole I’ll never know – it’s hard to imagine a place with less charm or character. The motley crew of staff looked like they’d wandered in to see a film one day, and just never worked out how to get out again. One of them wasn’t even wearing shoes. And sadly the guests weren’t much better. A mixed bunch of scantily-sequin-clad over-baked Northern lasses on a big night out in London; posh girls in ’90’s dresses looking like they’d come straight off the set of Four Weddings, and a handful arty film types with frizzy curls and boring shoes. There was even a woman in a floor-length crushed velvet coat – now when was the last time you saw one of those?!

In retrospect I really should have made the effort to go to the after party. With this lot by way of competition I could easily have begun the day as the new Miss Dominic Cooper!

The 'What in god's name are you wearing' Factor

Oh Cheryl Cheryl Cheryl, how I love thee (and what I’d do for your body), but even I as a fan, (not to mention a girl not unknown to take it that step “too far” in the fashion stakes), can’t think of any possible excuse for what I saw tonight. As a short girl I accepted a long time ago that there are certain things I just can’t wear; thigh-high boots (I look like puss-in), shoulder pads (I look like an American football player) and calf-length skirts (there are no words). It’s a sad day when you realise you’ll never be able to carry something off – being stubborn I usually insist on trying it out before eventually admitting defeat (I will admit here and now that I’m still persisting with the shoulder pads). However, before tonight I’d never even considered having to avoid split-to-the-thigh baggy pants, and neither should have Cheryl Cole! It wasn’t just the pants that were wrong though (or the strangely disturbing knees which kept playing peek-a-boo from behind them) – it was the whole bloody lot! The colossal shouldered cropped jacket; the hung too-low slashed-to-the-thigh trousers; the stumpy stompy ankle boots – even Christina Aguilera wouldn’t have tackled this combo! The good thing is there are a few lessons that we can all take-away from this unfortunate episode;

1. No matter how good your figure there are some things NO ONE can get away with.
2. Don’t wear too many trends at the same time – you’ll look like a victim (possibly not just of fashion)
3. There’s a fine line between fashion and fancy dress (hopefully most of you knew that already)

What I really don’t get is why she ever agreed to the slutty toy soldier get-up in the first place. Over the past few years Cheryl’s worked hard to break into the world of fashion and carve out her reputation as a style icon worthy of the cover of Vogue. All I can think is that with all the speculation as to her abilities as a singer, and whether or not she would be singing live, that her team cleverly persuaded her that it would be in her best interest to try and distract us with a fashion faux-pas so large that her singing was the last thing on our minds. Or at least I hope so!

p.s. for those who have no idea what i'm talking about (and those with strong stomachs who wish to see it again) - click here.

Mellow Yellows

Just couldn't resist snapping this pic on the bus this morning and sharing it with you – there’s just something about this image which makes me smile! I SO wish I had the legs for brightly coloured tights; next to white I think yellow has to be the least flattering colour tights you can get, so I was super jealous when I saw her rocking them this morning! Loving the patent brogues too - top fashion points all round!

New boots: Part one and Part two

Part one

So – originally I was just going to show off my lovely new boots (top). They’re from Aldo (£100), and I got them just this afternoon. I have to admit I’m rather smitten. They were one of those naughty lunchtime purchases – you know, when you pop out for a tuna mayo baguette, and come back looking sheepish with a shopping bag half dragging behind you hoping no-one will notice. Anyway, not only did I not mean to buy anything, but boot-wise I was planning to get a pair of DM’s this season. To cut a long story short I tried a pair on (short, black patent), and looked like an Eastern European shot putter with one too many Goulash’s under her belt (I was aiming for Alice Dellal – look-wise that is) – even the sales assistant looked embarrassed for me. Then, in a world of confusion, despair and self-doubt I wondered into Aldo and found these beauties! Now, I know they look a little slutty - I admit they have the potential to be a bit Pussycat doll if worn the wrong way, but I promise I don’t own a hot pant or a pair of leather chaps, so I think we’re alright. In fact, with a black opaque they blend into the leg rather flatteringly, and what with their heel and studs I feel all Suzi Quatro, which can only be a good thing.


Part two

One of the girls in the office told me that my lovely new boots borrowed heavily from a pair of Marc Jacobs boots she has. Me being me I set off on a mission to track down my Aldo booties well-bread cousins (couldn’t find them btw if anyone can help?). Instead (and to my horror) I stumbled across possibly the least likely celebrity fashion line ever; Carlos by Carlos Santana. Oh yes – my Aldo boots bear a striking resemblance to a pair of Carlos by Carlos Santana boots (bottom) which I found on the American Elle website, eek! Now I like a bit of rock/salsa/jazz fusion guitar as much as the next gal, but why on earth anyone (even his mama) would want to wear footwear designed by the man I have no idea!

My only regret is that I wore the buggers home so there’s no chance of a refund. Now every time I wear them it will be to the soundtrack of ‘Smooth’ looping round my head – fan-bloody-tastic!

Beret-ing!

There were two women wearing berets on my bus this morning – neither of them well. Forget harem pants, berets are the single hardest item to wear. The woman sat opposite me in the red beret looked like a glace cherry topped bakewell, whilst the other, sporting a beige beret (yes, it was as bad as it sounds) looked like she had some sort of growth protruding from the side of her head! I’d hazard a guess that these were not the looks either were going for – i’d suspect it was chic, eek! Anyway, the fact is berets are not one of those items which you can just ‘throw on’. You can’t just toss it on your head and hope for the best....unless;
a. You’re continental
b. You're inherently stylish[1]


Other clothes to avoid unless you are of continental origin or inherently stylish are;
a. Loafers (also, don’t even think about it if you are under 5’ 7”)
b. Corduroy in any form

____________________________________________________________
[1] Beret bus ladies were neither a. nor b.

The first post: Getting to know me

So, today I’m wearing a jumpsuit, hhmmm. It’s like i felt the fear, recognised the danger....and then gave them both the finger. Bad move. Now I’m not sure (20-something years of scrutinising myself in the mirror may have led to mild body dysmorphia), but I believe I look like a cross between some sort of upholstered easy chair (small waist belt+ a bloat never = a good look), and a chubby ‘80’s wannabe (the latter being my neutral mode). Either way I’m stuck like this for the next 9 hours – wish me luck!