Tuesday, 29 December 2009

They give me fever…

So, the sales have started. I usually avoid the sales like a 10 year school reunion, but in the name of friendship I made the mistake of hitting Oxford Street yesterday, and believe me – you don’t want anything that much. Now, sales I can’t stand – sample sales on the other hand I can’t resist. Designer clothes at high-street-ish prices – count me and my check book in! Sadly they don’t love me back, so I’ve developed 5 rules by which to buy by…I hope they help you as much as one day I hope they’ll help me too….

1. Never invite someone the same size as you. It’ll only end in tears. This is the perfect opportunity to wheel out your fat friend – not only will you not fight over the same pieces, but you can use her as a buffer against all those sharpened elbows – perfect!

2. Get there early. True aficionado’s get there days before (well, hours and hours at least). Fashionista’s have been known to arrive at Claridges for the much prized Chanel sample sale (invitation only FYI) grasping their skinny caps at dawn.

3. Never make friends in the queue/ at the rails. You’re about to enter into battle with these women – stay focused, everyone’s a potential enemy.

4. Never take a straight man along – they can’t handle it. Fact.

5. Don’t buy anything you wouldn’t pay full price for, or which you’re seeing for the first time. Not convinced? Think you know better? Well, for your sake here’s a list of pointless, unfit for purpose and quite frankly ridiculous things I’ve brought at sample sales this year….5 pairs of Louboutin shoes (was very nearly double that, so thank you Stephi for your wise words, “babes, if they’re too big/small/high, then you probably won’t wear them will you…”); one pen-marked Liberty of London bag (I did get an extra £20 off, but it’s not the point really is it); a Maison Martin Margiela cardigan. It’s black mesh and has no back. It’s pointless, impossible to wear, and still cost triple digits; a grey patent Chloé Heloise bag. It’s the heaviest bag in the world. I can hardly lift it when it’s empty, so by the time I’ve laden it with my daily essentials I need a crane to move it; a pair of brown Jonathan Kelsey shoes. They’re brown…when do I ever wear brown? I’ll tell you – never!

Now, maths isn’t my strong point, but for the purpose of this cautionary tale I’ve made a few calculations, and estimate that this little lot cost me about….well actually I can’t even bare to type it (not least because my parents are probably reading this). Let’s just say thinking about it in the cold light of day I may have preferred two weeks in the Maldives after all….

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