Sunday, 18 October 2009

The 'What in god's name are you wearing' Factor

Oh Cheryl Cheryl Cheryl, how I love thee (and what I’d do for your body), but even I as a fan, (not to mention a girl not unknown to take it that step “too far” in the fashion stakes), can’t think of any possible excuse for what I saw tonight. As a short girl I accepted a long time ago that there are certain things I just can’t wear; thigh-high boots (I look like puss-in), shoulder pads (I look like an American football player) and calf-length skirts (there are no words). It’s a sad day when you realise you’ll never be able to carry something off – being stubborn I usually insist on trying it out before eventually admitting defeat (I will admit here and now that I’m still persisting with the shoulder pads). However, before tonight I’d never even considered having to avoid split-to-the-thigh baggy pants, and neither should have Cheryl Cole! It wasn’t just the pants that were wrong though (or the strangely disturbing knees which kept playing peek-a-boo from behind them) – it was the whole bloody lot! The colossal shouldered cropped jacket; the hung too-low slashed-to-the-thigh trousers; the stumpy stompy ankle boots – even Christina Aguilera wouldn’t have tackled this combo! The good thing is there are a few lessons that we can all take-away from this unfortunate episode;

1. No matter how good your figure there are some things NO ONE can get away with.
2. Don’t wear too many trends at the same time – you’ll look like a victim (possibly not just of fashion)
3. There’s a fine line between fashion and fancy dress (hopefully most of you knew that already)

What I really don’t get is why she ever agreed to the slutty toy soldier get-up in the first place. Over the past few years Cheryl’s worked hard to break into the world of fashion and carve out her reputation as a style icon worthy of the cover of Vogue. All I can think is that with all the speculation as to her abilities as a singer, and whether or not she would be singing live, that her team cleverly persuaded her that it would be in her best interest to try and distract us with a fashion faux-pas so large that her singing was the last thing on our minds. Or at least I hope so!

p.s. for those who have no idea what i'm talking about (and those with strong stomachs who wish to see it again) - click here.