Tuesday, 29 December 2009

They give me fever…

So, the sales have started. I usually avoid the sales like a 10 year school reunion, but in the name of friendship I made the mistake of hitting Oxford Street yesterday, and believe me – you don’t want anything that much. Now, sales I can’t stand – sample sales on the other hand I can’t resist. Designer clothes at high-street-ish prices – count me and my check book in! Sadly they don’t love me back, so I’ve developed 5 rules by which to buy by…I hope they help you as much as one day I hope they’ll help me too….

1. Never invite someone the same size as you. It’ll only end in tears. This is the perfect opportunity to wheel out your fat friend – not only will you not fight over the same pieces, but you can use her as a buffer against all those sharpened elbows – perfect!

2. Get there early. True aficionado’s get there days before (well, hours and hours at least). Fashionista’s have been known to arrive at Claridges for the much prized Chanel sample sale (invitation only FYI) grasping their skinny caps at dawn.

3. Never make friends in the queue/ at the rails. You’re about to enter into battle with these women – stay focused, everyone’s a potential enemy.

4. Never take a straight man along – they can’t handle it. Fact.

5. Don’t buy anything you wouldn’t pay full price for, or which you’re seeing for the first time. Not convinced? Think you know better? Well, for your sake here’s a list of pointless, unfit for purpose and quite frankly ridiculous things I’ve brought at sample sales this year….5 pairs of Louboutin shoes (was very nearly double that, so thank you Stephi for your wise words, “babes, if they’re too big/small/high, then you probably won’t wear them will you…”); one pen-marked Liberty of London bag (I did get an extra £20 off, but it’s not the point really is it); a Maison Martin Margiela cardigan. It’s black mesh and has no back. It’s pointless, impossible to wear, and still cost triple digits; a grey patent Chlo√© Heloise bag. It’s the heaviest bag in the world. I can hardly lift it when it’s empty, so by the time I’ve laden it with my daily essentials I need a crane to move it; a pair of brown Jonathan Kelsey shoes. They’re brown…when do I ever wear brown? I’ll tell you – never!

Now, maths isn’t my strong point, but for the purpose of this cautionary tale I’ve made a few calculations, and estimate that this little lot cost me about….well actually I can’t even bare to type it (not least because my parents are probably reading this). Let’s just say thinking about it in the cold light of day I may have preferred two weeks in the Maldives after all….

Friday, 25 December 2009

When scrooge met Oliver….

Yes – this is me drunkenly gnawing on a shoe. It’s none other than ToSho’s latest lust-have accessory. This particular one belongs to my dear friend Katharine (seen beautifully modelling them below), and yes, she was delighted to see me salivating over it. Sadly when I went to get a pair a couple of days ago I was told they’ve sold out, which seems a bit scrooge to me, and totally buggered up my NYE wardrobe! Now, altogether in your best Supermodel baby voice, “Please Sir Philip, may we have some more”.

p.s. Happy New Year boys and girls xxx

“Is there anything Chanel can’t make fabulous?” (My good friend) Kim Ralph

…No my dear Kimmy, there really isn’t! Earmuffs are like sooooo two weeks ago. Right now it’s all about the sleeping mask, I mean it’s Christmas after all, I’m only gonna be eating and sleeping anyway (and sadly they don’t do cutlery or chocolate covered brazil nuts). This is obviously without a shadow of a doubt my absolute fave Christmas pressie this year, so thank you a million trillion Mr Stefan Claus! I just wish I could wear it out of the bedroom…I did trial it as a headband, but eventually had to admit I looked ridiculous…well it was more of a family ruling really – I kinda thought I was rocking it on the sofa. Anyway, confined to the bedroom it is - Silent nights indeed.

Sunday, 20 December 2009

Wanna be in my gang…

I really do have the best dressed friends, most stylish and elegant friends. I’ve known this lot since secondary school, and as we’ve grown up we’ve all developed and settled into our own styles. Last night everyone was looking particularly gorgeous for Norma’s birthday, so I thought I’d snap a few pics and show them off!

The Birthday girl showed off her enviable curves (Beyonce who?) in a Greek goddess draped body-con dress from ASOS. As a girl there’s nothing better than getting dressed up in your Birthday outfit – it’s the one time of the year when you can really go for it, and basically anything’s acceptable! Norma kept it simple and (relatively) demure though, and I think she looked stunning!
I was very happy to have a playsuit buddy last night. I thought Adz worked this polka dot ToSho number very well (although with a figure like hers it’s not hard)! It could easily have looked a bit slutty, but as usual Ada managed to look classy. Maybe it’s just because I know she’s training as a lawyer, but Adz always has this air of sophistication no matter how much flesh is being flashed!

Louise should just be a model, end of. I mean look at her. She looks regal in her £3 EBay stirrup leggings – I mean who can pull off white leggings?! The sheer panelled body picks up on the big sheer trend heading our way, and is something I’ve been meaning to invest in for a while (jealous, moi, never!). Most of all though we were all loving the head scarf. Lou just threw it on to protect her hair from the snow, but after a million compliments decided to roll with it! I thought it gave her an air of ‘50’s elegance, and was all very Audrey Hepburn in an open top car!

Finally there was me - new red hair, peach lace body (one of my top 5 fave items in my wardrobe right now), my ‘never fails’ ToSho jumpsuit, and 1980’s belt I nicked off my mum…Ready to play! Annoyingly I have to admit the competition for look of the night was pretty hot….now remind me why I’m friends with this lot again?!

Saturday, 19 December 2009

Double sequins and a WAGS day out…

I got in the Christmas spirit on Thursday by indulging in a bit of double sequins. Yes, yes, I know I said sequins were dead to me a couple of weeks ago, but in the words of Bobby Brown and Britney (and who wouldn’t live by their oh-so-wise words) It’s My Prerogative! Anyway, if you read my sequin post carefully you’ll see that what I’m really saying is that what is needed is a new way to wear them (yeah yeah, back track, back track), and this I tell you is it! Ever since Sophie from Fashion rocked double sequins (FYI black harem pants and blazer) at the office Christmas party I’ve been slightly pre-occupied with how I’d jump on the bandwagon. It’s just pure brilliance, and totally subversive – I mean, it really shouldn’t work. As usual I took it a step further and also mixed colours and patterns; the reason it works though is down to accompaniments – the washed out denim shirt and trusty biker boots tone the whole look down, and add that bit of edge. Basically they say “I know I’m decked out like a friggin Christmas tree, but I don’t give a fuck”. Ace!
A night of seasonal heavy drinking was followed by a leisurely day of WAGging (i.e. self-indulgent vanity based activities – in my case a cut and colour followed by a spray tan). As usual I tried to dress for the occasion – and you can see me above braving the cold to pose in the snow post-pampering. I tried to keep it trad-WAG in American Apparel harem pants, customised rock-T, and Uggs – Wagalicious indeed! Hair wise I’ve somehow ended up going a bit ginge – how very 2009 of me! I have to say I never saw it coming and am still a bit shocked and confused by my new minority status. I was very lucky to be worked on by the lovely and very talented Indira Schauwecker (who did the chopping), and Lynsey Ashton (who did the ginge-ing) – both members of Toni&Guy’s innovative and totally fantastic Artistic team. With my newly coloured and tousled mane I then trotted off to see The Cap-Tan (as I like to call him) James Reed for a spot of winter tanning. La Reed bronzes the buttocks of everyone from Paris to Gaga to Hollywood A-listers, so I’m always flattered and honoured when he finds time to give me the quick once over. Sadly he’s far too tight-lipped and professional to spill the beans on his more illustrious clients, but boy, what sights those eyes must have seen! Annoyingly he’s also one of those people who gets more fabulous and successful every time I see him. Not only has he recently taken up residence at the rather swanky Sanderson (embarrassingly I had some sort of mental block and waltzed into the St. Martin’s lane hotel demanding to see him – the shame!), but he’s also just launched his genius website – thetantalist.com – where The Satorialist meets St. Tropez – what fun!

After all this primping and preening I woke up this morning I felt like a new girl. I find there’s nothing like an image over-haul to bring out my social side – let the party season begin!

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

xx From Roma with LoVe xx

Boys and girls, apologies for going AWOL, but the recent cold snap proved a snap too far for, and I’ve been hibernating under my dressing gown in front of my new Ally McBeal boxset for the best part of a week! Before that I treated myself to a pre-Christmas trip to Rome with my good friend Kim. It was my first time in the holy city, and it didn’t disappoint one bit – in fact, there are no words, so I’ve decided to share with you my Rome in pictures. In between full-fat Cap’s and 12 Euro Ice creams I managed to snap the best and worst dressed, most beautiful sights (old and new)…and oddest trends – I hope you enjoy!
Ciao ciao fa now beautiful people xx

….now where’s that 3rd series disk at…..?

I snapped this lovely lady outside the Vatican, and I just think she's the ultimate in Continental Chic. From the top of her Moncler coat (an item always hovering near the top of my lust-ooh-meter); to the bottom of her perfect, patent boots, this is a master-class in style, and everything I aspire too. The Satorialist – watch your back!

And just behind her was this. There are no words….except – wearing all one colour does not a stylish outfit make!*
*unless that colour’s black. End of.

Despite taking over 100 photos’ this is the only one where I don’t look like an anaemic Christmas pudding. I would like to say I was wishing for world peace, but I think we all know that look on my expression has ‘I want Chanel earmuffs’ written all over it.

Forget Bond Street, that Via Borgognona is THE ULTIMATE (very wealthy) shopaholics dream. If like me, you’re broke as a chair with 3 legs then you can simply gave longingly at the beautiful window displays. Louis Vuitton (above) won 1st prize for best window display – I LoVe. And Fendi (below) win for best festive effort. Good work chaps!

So – strange trends. Sadly I only managed to snap two examples, but it seems the Italians have taken to pimping their dogs. There was hardly a pooch in Rome not dolled up to the nines and working the streets like a dogwalk. Above we have a Paris Hilton-alike (a bit pass√© if you ask me), while below we have a real biker rock-chick trendsetter….Grrrrr.

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

No no, no no no no, no no no no, no no there’s no EX-CUSE….

Yes, you heard me (PLEASE tell me you got the Too Unlimited ref)! There is absolutely no excuse on earth for a grown woman to be wearing these made-for-a-three-year-old Start-rite-special easy-slip-on Velcro-fastened safety-strapped Rudolph-red shoes. It was bad enough that I was on post-gym bus journey from hell (apparently there was only one 38 bus working the route tonight), but these monstrosities really topped it off. No no no no no – unless you’re Grayson Perry (and that’s a whole other kettle of fish) what do you think you’re doing wearing these post puberty?! Urgh! This is like the antithesis of the ‘Should Suri (Cruise) aged 3 be wearing heels (answer obviously no) debate’. There is appropriate footwear for every age, and neither these nor Suri’s are it. Come on people, it’s not that hard!

DEEP BREATH – In with hate, out with love (Stefan Lindemann)….…....…..there’s still no excuse though!