Being smug in Dalston and getting a pervy massage in return...

I've been trying not to go and out party so much this last week, and it's not been easy. How is it that gin, vodka, beer, cider and red wine have become such integral players in my life?!

Anyway, despite all the vodka on Friday night I managed to meet my friend Kat at London Fields/ Broadway market at 11.30am yesterday for Saturday smugness. It kills me to admit how much I love a LF/BM Saturday stroll....all those happy smiley gorgeous people, all that organic free-range food - no matter how much I try and hate it, it just ends up making me feel all warm, fuzzy and content - damn it!


While I scoffed my 5th croissant of the week (yes, diet still going brilliantly, thanks) Kat tucked into an extra-smug portion of organic vegan burger and quinoa salad for breakfast - twat.


Yes, that’s right, only on Broadway Market would you not be laughed at/ stoned/ publicly ridiculed for selling/ buying ONE SINGLE SLICE of watermelon for £1.50! Shocking!....Oh, but wait a minute, it’s ICED watermelon. Oh, well if it’s iced it’s definitely worth a whole £1 and 50 pence….NOT!
p.s. we were much amused to later see it reduced to 50p – massive lol!


Proof once and for all that Bruno was not a work of pure fiction….


BeReCreative festival

The Hackney recycling team’s BeReCreative event sought to bring smugness to Hackney’s youngest residence….and we think they succeded. Phew!

After a busy morning eating and bathing in the sun Kat and I decided to treat ourselves to a massage. I, as usual, got more than I bargained for, when my male masseuse took a bit of a shine to me. Not only did I get 45 minutes of action despite only paying for 30 (two people came to tell him he’d run over, but still he kept on), but particularly creepy occurances were as follows:
- Repeatedly being asked if I was enjoying it/ how I was feeling
- Mr masseuse struggling to undo my bra (just typing this has made me sick in my mouth a little)
- After spending 30 mins on my back, and then saying he’d do my legs anyway, telling me, “I enjoy doing the legs the most”
- "You have nice skin"

Yes, it was a massage to remember……a shower quickly followed.


Meanwhile…..Mr and Mrs recycling kept the kids amused…


….and there was yet another chance to buy socially aware friendly knitted food. Brilliant!


I on the other hand opted for (an admittedly extremely posh) cheese burger – de-lish. What can I say – I’m a giant hypocrite!


Oh yes. And I saw this. There are no words. I brought a pair of these in Primark a few months ago to wind my friend Seb up – AS A JOKE. This guy was wearing them because it was sunny and he’s a cock. Fact.