Monday, 18 January 2010

Great Globes of Golden!

So, the awards season’s here – hoorah – for tis no better time to mock the rich and famous than this. Last night Hollywood’s great and good trotted down the red carpet for the Golden Globes, dolled up to the nines – or even tens in some very special cases. So f the awards (they’re all a fix anyway, no?), let’s get down to the nitty gritty of who we still love and shall try to imitate at every given opportunity from now on, and who we’ve lost all respect for and will never pay to see in a movie again.

I’ll start with the bad because let’s be honest, it’s more fun. I’ve split them into the following groups – Fallen fashion icons; I think your stylist hates you, and, Eek you’ve been in Hollywood too long.

Fallen fashion icons
I’m sad to say that two of my favourite ladies are in this category. Chloe Sevigny and Diane Kruger are usually known for their brave and exciting fashion choices, but last night I’m afraid they both missed the mark.

Like most fashionistas I’m usually a great advocate of Chloe ‘how the hell do you pronounce her surname’ Sevigny, but last night she looked like an ornamental napkin in a hideous Valentino number. No no no!

Diane Kruger lost her usual sultry spark in this Christian Lacroix Barbie doll special. Maybe it’s just me, but it looks like something I dreamt up when I was 5, and I just don’t think it does her justice. She does however win the prize for best arm-candy – HOW HOT has Joshua Jackson got. In fact, I take it all back – Diane, good work!

I think your stylist hates you…

I almost can’t look at Halle Berry in this dress. I feel like I can see pubes or something (now, how often have you seen the word pube used on a fashion blog, eh)?! There’s something not right here though. I mean, this Kaufman Franco concoction is not a respectable red carpet dress lady – what were you thinking?

Kate Hudson, I see you’ve inherited your mothers questionable dress sense. Please tell me how you end up walking down the red carpet at the Golden globes dressed as a slutty bride. Pray tell…. Marchesa (for the dress), and Casadei (for the shoes) – you should be ashamed!

“Oi Maz I can see your slip poking out from the split in your dress”
“Yeah, Pen. Well at least I don’t look like I’ve come dressed as Spanish loo roll holder”
Ok – well apart from the visible slip I do actually like Marion Cotillard’s Christian Dior number. I just can’t get down with Penelope Cruz in this Giorgio Armani Privé dress. It’s just too much.

Sandra Bullock. Another woman in a dress which looks like it was designed by a 5 year old (it is in fact Bottega Venetta – gasp)! And it looks itchy to boot. What a load of Bullocks!

Eek, you’ve been in Hollywood too long

Paul (you can’t make me call you Sir) McCartney – what a chump. I mean, come on mate, you’re 68 for gods sake – get a grip! Congrats on ruining a perfectly good suite with a ridiculous scarf. Strange shoes too – they look a bit like slip ons – eeeww!

Terrifying. There’s no other word for it. Just how the hell did Christina Aguilera come to be posing with Cher at the Golden Globes….in fact, on second thoughts I don’t think I want to know. In the words of my good friend Caroline, “eh, it looks like Cristina has one tit in and one tit out” – yes Caroline, it sure does. Cher on the other hand seems to have slipped further into the Morticia Addams/ Cruella DeVille black hole of nightmare dressing.
The Good
And over to the other side we go – to the good, beautiful, stylish, elegant dresses and suits which we’d wear if ever a. invited anywhere quite glamorous, and b. we had the money/ were important enough to be leant it.

This lot have been split into the following sub-groups –A bit boring but gorgeous nonetheless and Interesting and elegant – top fashion points. There are only two groups as sadly, there were far fewer well dressed celebs last night (I’m hoping they’re saving the big guns for the Oscars)!

A bit boring but gorgeous nonetheless

Ok, so she’s not exactly pushing the fashion limits, and is in yet another safe black dress, but flipping ‘ell – how hot does Jennifer Aniston look in this Valentino number (and certainly much better than old Chloe thingy in hers)!

Admittedly I’m not really sure who she is, but Olivia Wilde (above) looked stunning in this Gucci dress. So maybe it’s a bit tight and predictable, but it fits well and is very sparkly, and basically a total red carpet dream, so I’m in.

Gerard Butler in a Dolce & Gabbana tuxedo. Enough said.
Interesting and elegant – top fashion points

I’m not usually a fan, but it’s hard to deny that Maggie Gylenhall looked elegant and modern in this RM by Roland Mouret “Sirens” mermaid gown. I love the subtlety of the pleats and the colour The one downside is that it looks impossible to walk in, but as we all know practicality is totally irrelevant when it comes to fashion, so who cares?

Oh Drew, I do love you. I think Drew Barrymore’s one of Hollywood’s few originals, and of late I think she’s been looking rather lovely. Love the nude colour and crazy hip embellishment on this Atelier Versace champagne silk gown – simple hair, red lips – gor-ge-ous!

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