Being smug in Dalston and getting a pervy massage in return...

I've been trying not to go and out party so much this last week, and it's not been easy. How is it that gin, vodka, beer, cider and red wine have become such integral players in my life?!

Anyway, despite all the vodka on Friday night I managed to meet my friend Kat at London Fields/ Broadway market at 11.30am yesterday for Saturday smugness. It kills me to admit how much I love a LF/BM Saturday stroll....all those happy smiley gorgeous people, all that organic free-range food - no matter how much I try and hate it, it just ends up making me feel all warm, fuzzy and content - damn it!


While I scoffed my 5th croissant of the week (yes, diet still going brilliantly, thanks) Kat tucked into an extra-smug portion of organic vegan burger and quinoa salad for breakfast - twat.


Yes, that’s right, only on Broadway Market would you not be laughed at/ stoned/ publicly ridiculed for selling/ buying ONE SINGLE SLICE of watermelon for £1.50! Shocking!....Oh, but wait a minute, it’s ICED watermelon. Oh, well if it’s iced it’s definitely worth a whole £1 and 50 pence….NOT!
p.s. we were much amused to later see it reduced to 50p – massive lol!


Proof once and for all that Bruno was not a work of pure fiction….


BeReCreative festival

The Hackney recycling team’s BeReCreative event sought to bring smugness to Hackney’s youngest residence….and we think they succeded. Phew!

After a busy morning eating and bathing in the sun Kat and I decided to treat ourselves to a massage. I, as usual, got more than I bargained for, when my male masseuse took a bit of a shine to me. Not only did I get 45 minutes of action despite only paying for 30 (two people came to tell him he’d run over, but still he kept on), but particularly creepy occurances were as follows:
- Repeatedly being asked if I was enjoying it/ how I was feeling
- Mr masseuse struggling to undo my bra (just typing this has made me sick in my mouth a little)
- After spending 30 mins on my back, and then saying he’d do my legs anyway, telling me, “I enjoy doing the legs the most”
- "You have nice skin"

Yes, it was a massage to remember……a shower quickly followed.


Meanwhile…..Mr and Mrs recycling kept the kids amused…


….and there was yet another chance to buy socially aware friendly knitted food. Brilliant!


I on the other hand opted for (an admittedly extremely posh) cheese burger – de-lish. What can I say – I’m a giant hypocrite!


Oh yes. And I saw this. There are no words. I brought a pair of these in Primark a few months ago to wind my friend Seb up – AS A JOKE. This guy was wearing them because it was sunny and he’s a cock. Fact.

The Ugly Game

In case you hadn’t already guessed I’m not really into my football (gasp) – in fact I’m missing the whole competitive sport gene in general (although thankfully not the competitive gene per se). Not only do I not get the obsession with “The Beautiful Game”, but as far as I’m concerned the dress sense of your average fan leaves a lot to be desired. I’ve never been into herd mentality dressing, so the thought of turning up to an event wearing the same thing (let alone a polyester t-shirt with someone else’s name emblazoned on the back) as a few thousand other people has never really appealed to me. I therefore had to laugh when I received the following email today;

Dear Si,

I hope this finds you well.

I wanted to let you know about a collection of limited edition product Grosvenor Shirts have created with FIFA / Global Brands for the 2010 World Cup™ as I thought it would be of interest to for any relevant World Cup features, news round ups, product round up you may be working on….

Erm, no. Never. Not in a million years. Please see said shirts below….

…..speechless? Yes, so was I. Thankfully I’ve now regained my composure, and can whole-heartedly say that these are truly THE most disturbing garments I’ve seen in while. I’m at a total loss as to the circumstances in which you’d think – Hhhmmm, I need to dress smartly, but still want to express my total love and devotion to my national football team. Ha, I know my £200 (YES - £200!) white, premium, 2 fold Royal Twill limited editition2010 World Cup™ shirt should do the trick...I’m sorry, but there’s just no need for them…in fact, I’ll give a prize to anyone who can give me a legitimate fashion related reason for their existence....in fact, i'll buy you one myself!

And there I was naively thinking the football shirt couldn’t slip further down the barometer of good taste. We live and learn.

Apres-Ski-Me!

So, I went awol again. What can I say – I’m a busy girl. As ever, I have an excuse - this time I’ve been gallivanting around Switzerland (via Gatwick and Heathrow in one hellish day) with my darling Mother. We were skiing – although what with the recent weather the trip to mainland Europe was frustratingly superfluous. Neither of us had skied before, and once we’d recovered from the humiliation of spending two days in the under-fives winter wonderland we had a fantastic trip. As with Rome I’ve created a picture diary of the trip. Introducing Après-ski-me!


I got bored waiting for the cab to the airport so decided to turn the contents of my hand luggage into a gift guide on the kitchen table. I always carry my jewellery in my hand luggage, because if my case went missing it’s the thing I’d be most sad to loose. Si without the bling is like Dolce without the Gabbanna.


With 6 hours to kill at Heathrow the only thing to do was eat and shop. Mum fell in love with these tortoise shell Chanel sunnies. Sadly at £263 they weren’t a snip so she left empty handed. Oh Chanel – why do you torture us so….

Continuing my too-poor-to-afford-Chanel theme, here I am modelling my cheap-yet-chic Chanel alternative earmuffs (which were an absolute bargain at £12 from ? in Covent Garden), so there Mr Largerfeld!

I decided my Perspex Vivienne Westwood pendant (which I snapped up for virtually nothing at a sample sale last year) was perfect Après-ski fodder. How fantastically it lifts my otherwise all black attire, not to mention compliments my hot chocolate with double Amaretto and cream (the ideal post-slope beverage FYI).

This being my first time on the slopes, and with most of the shops in the resort being ski-centric, I managed not to blow monthly food allowance on clothes. I did however develop a small crush on these gloves (189 CH, by Roekl), and Helmet (498 CH, by Indigo). If I didn’t spend most of my time on the slopes surrounded by toddlers, and on my back, knees or bum, this is what I’d be wearing to show off in.

From the sophisticated slopes of Switzerland to the ghastly gates of Gatwick. You say mean, I say national service. Whoever you are I hope you’re reading this. There is nothing right about this ensemble. Burn it all and start again. Now. Please.
For the rest of you this is how NOT to do the following trends; stone washed denim, ankle boots, sheepskin jackets, colour clashing, checked shirts, layering. See – learning from others mistakes can be fun.